(Jaguar Cars)
What would Hamlet be without “Alas, poor
Yorick”? The Godfather absent “Leave the
gun, take the cannolis”? The Metamorphosis
minus Gregor Samsa having awoken to find
himself transformed “into a monstrous
vermin”?
A great line has the ability to render the
remarkable immortal. In the case of the new
Jaguar F-type Coupe, a great line also happens
to offer UV and rollover protection.
Based on the F-type Convertible that reached
showrooms in 2013, the F-type Coupe
contains a particular line – its roofline – that
may prove as timeless as any plucked from
literature or film.
Sheets of aluminium are rarely this
transformative. The F-type Convertible was
already the chiseled power forward in the
Jaguar lineup, a natural performer that,
particularly in 495-horsepower V8 S guise,
could distill summer down to a riotous, wind-
raked blur. Inasmuch as a roofless car could,
the Convertible appeared complete.
A roof, however, elevates the F-type’s bearing
from the merely athletic to the magnetic. When
the Coupe wears optional panoramic glass,
tapered aluminium roof rails trace the side
windows in a glossy arc, like hydroformed
flying buttresses. Out back, the Convertible’s
politely flared hips have swelled into
haunches. Big haunches. Feline ones. There
are intimations of the $500,000 Aston Martin
V12 Zagato in those hindquarters, though
Jaguar would prefer that customers glimpse
the brand’s definitive coupe, the 1960s E-type.
The F-type Coupe is very much its own animal,
however – a truth evident as early as 2011
when Jaguar showed the C-X16, a lightly veiled
concept that has informed every curve, kink
and flare of the production car.
The Coupe was recently introduced to global
media amid the ancient limestone canyonlands
of Lleida, Spain. A favourite training ground for
elite cyclists, the scrubby Catalonian terrain
dips, rolls and climbs with masochistic,
metronomic regularity. Up here the F-type
Coupe does not affect a tarmac-crushing Thor
like the Chevrolet Camaro ZL1, or a
dispassionate surgeon like the latest Porsche
911. No, the F-type Coupe is a predator, red of
tooth and claw.
That impression builds outward from the car’s
all-aluminium skeleton. The architecture yields
greater torsional rigidity than steel, along with
reduced weight – byproducts even Ford has
recognised, specifying the light stuff for its new
F-150 pickup truck. Jaguar says the Coupe
wears the stiffest body of any production car it
has ever made, a selling point that could just
as easily repel coddled tailbones, particularly
those accustomed to plush GTs like Jaguar’s
outgoing XK.
Such concerns ultimately prove baseless, in
part thanks to the Coupe’s sheer mass. Despite
the aluminium diet, the range-topping F-type R
Coupe weighs 3,671lbs (1,665kg), almost
100lbs more than a BMW M3 sedan. Torsional
rigidity is there, but it never compromises the
comfort afforded by a bit of pork. The Coupe’s
clever trick – one of many – is making its pork
feel meaty, not fatty.
First to tackle the bends above Lleida is the
middle child, the S Coupe, which slots between
the Coupe and R Coupe. (Jaguar did not make
the base Coupe available to drive.) With
standard 19in wheels, eight-speed ZF
automatic transmission, and 380 horsepower
and 339 pound-feet of torque from its 3-litre
supercharged gasoline V6 engine, the S is a lot
of car, and tapping the orange Dynamic Mode
toggle between the seats renders it a lot of
loud. “Dynamic” in Jaguar parlance means
tightened suspension, sharpened throttle
response and slightly weightier steering, but
the dominant takeaway is one of more noise
from the twin Howitzers out back
masquerading as exhaust pipes.Pressing the
gas or pulling upshifts invites deranged
cackles from these gaping chrome chasms.
The bluster, mind, is not hollow. The S
accelerates with bloodlust, coercing your torso
into dialogue with every pore and crease of the
leather seatback. If you weren’t so riveted by
the simple act of holding third gear – eardrums
alive to the Coupe clawing ever higher in its
register – you might be moved to shout
something vulgar.
For all its drama, however, the S’s most
remarkable trait may be how graciously it
shoulders its inferiority…
On a rusty plain ringed by low, hardscrabble
hills, the F-type R Coupe is fighting crosswinds
at Motorland Aragón, a fiendishly technical
3.3-mile circuit located 75 miles from Lleida.
The gusts partly explain why the R’s
speedometer registers a piddling 245kph
(152mph) on the track’s mile-long back
straight. A Jaguar technician notes that in more
favourable conditions, the car would routinely
top 265kph here. Acceleration is certainly
massive – Jaguar estimates the R moves from a
standstill to 60mph in 4 seconds flat, en route
to an electronically limited top speed of
186mph (yes, limited) – but the R feels like the
pick of the F-type litter not for what it does in a
straight line, but for what it does in a corner.
Carbon ceramic brakes, available for the first
time on a volume Jaguar for a downright
usurious $12,000, scrub speed admirably
enough before the car embarks on a long,
sweeping left-hand turn. A novice’s instinct is
to maintain a steady Nike on the gas while
tracking towards the outer edge of the curve; to
cut inwards is to invite all manner of
movement, none good. But the Jaguar
technician grabs the wheel and forces the R
towards the inside of the curve. “It can do it,”
he encourages. It does it. Heart returning to
chest, a driver has found grip and stability to
spare. Credit the tires, but the lion’s share goes
to the R’s electronic active differential, which in
conjunction with a torque-vectoring system –
which automatically slows the inner rear wheel
to aid high-speed turns – makes the process an
ego-stoking joy.
Torque-vectoring and electronic differentials
facilitate track-day heroics, but the R doesn’t
demand bravery down the road. It is difficult to
name a two-seat, rear-wheel-drive coupe, let
alone one with 550hp and 502lb-ft of torque,
that can cruise placidly enough to allow 770
watts of Meridian symphonics to envelop the
cabin. The car may shimmy a little over uneven
pavement but not disconcertingly so (looking
at you, Aston Martin V12 Vantage S). Through
it all the R remains a sports car, ready at a
wrist-flick’s notice to weave apexes together
like an Olympic giant slalom specialist.
The S does all these things, only with
commensurately less verve. The R spoils
everything it touches. If the Coupe and S Coupe
wield an advantage beyond outright price – the
Coupe starts at $65,895 in the US, the S at
$77,895 and the R at $99,895 – it is the
cleanliness of their styling. R models wear
perfunctory quad exhaust pipes and a set of
black lacquer skirts that compromise the
body’s tidy, tucked stance. And Jaguar is still a
beat behind Porsche where navigation systems
are concerned, the Coupe’s screen prone to
occasional twitches and glitches.
But is the F-type Coupe behind anyone, really?
The E-type looms over all car-dom; not for
nothing did Enzo Ferrari call it the most
beautiful car ever made. Its torque-vectoring
descendant, however, may
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